Beauty and the Beast
by CrazyHookerProductions
Summary: A parody of Beauty and the Beast for Weiss and Nero. Rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

Sorry, but SS is a huge fan of this pairing, so it had to be done. Also, we love Beauty and the Beast, so that's why this is a parody.

* * *

**Beauty and the Beast**

"Once there was an arrogant prince who denied a young girl shelter because she had no use to him. The young waif revealed herself as Shelke the Transparent, a mage of magical powers. Using her mako energy, she turned the arrogant young prince into a terrible creature and gave him a gift, a materia which shed layers. After the layers were all gone, the prince and all of his attendants would be dead. It is said that-"

Hojo snatched the book away from his son. "Are you still reading these little picture books?"

"Father," Nero said beseechingly, "These tales have been passed down for generations, and I have a theory that-"

"Can't be backed by science. None of your theories about this town can be backed by science. I accept that we don't have much history of this town, so perhaps its fairly new."

"But we'd know if it were a new town."

Hojo sighed. His son could be so odd, so difficult, so much like his father. "Listen, I need you to go into town and get some specimens for my experiments today. Lab _mice_. Not rats."

Nero stood, put the book under his arm and walked off.

Hojo wasn't the only one who regarded Nero as a strange one. Though Nero was extremely beautiful, who hair dark as the night and eyes red as a passionate heart, he was forever theorizing about origins of things that had no origins. Overthinking every piece of literature that crossed his eye-sight. Making mountains out of mole hills.

Nero crossed the threshold of the bookstore. "Mr. Tuesti? Reeve? Hello?"

One of Reeve's many creations, a mechanical cat, greeted him. "Nero, nice to see ya! Reeve's busy downstairs right now but I can help you."

"Thank you, Cait." The mechanation's proper name was Cait Sith, but Nero regarded that as a full name. "I'm just here to return this book and borrow another before I do father's errands."

"Is he still doing things with those mice?"

"Yes." Nero found it very difficult to believe that this was an actual robot and not a person. He found his selection. "I'd like to borrow this one."

"This is the third time this month," Reeve noted as he walked up from his basement.

"Good morning, Reeve. I know it is, but it is my favorite book, after all."

"Of course. It's a wonderful book. In fact, it's yours."

Nero flushed. "Reeve, I couldn't!"

"I insist. It's going to be your birthday soon anyway. Next week, right?"

"Yes. The first one without mother."

Reeve's face softened. "I know. But you and Hojo will make due, won't you?"

"Naturally. Speaking of him, he'll be wanting his mice. Goodbye Reeve! And thanks again!" Nero hurried out of the door. Reeve stood against his shop's doorframe, shaking his head. Such a peculiar boy.

An odd boy. But so very beautiful. People were waiting for him to marry and there was one in particular who wanted him.

"He shall be mine," Rosso announced to the bar of eager young men. "He is beautiful and quite submissive. I shall make him mine." The other men were disappointed but they nodded along because, if they stayed in her favor, she would get bored of Nero and probably take it out on them.

"Hello, Nero, my love," Rosso crooned as her prey in question left the pet store.

"Hello, Rosso. How are you?"

"I'm well, darling."

"That's good to hear." Nero tried to press on. Rosso blocked his path… And sunlight. "Uhm, excuse me…"

"No excuses. I need to know. When are you getting married? I mean, the whole town is talking. Men don't think. They just run the shops and let the women do all the thinking."

"Rosso, there's equality among the sexes and then there's feminism. You happen to be in the latter."

"Why thank you, my love." Nero resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He wasn't impolite like that. "Why don't we go to my home and I'll show you how latter I am."

Nero blinked. "I… can't. I have to go to my father's home. He needs his mice." Nero took off running. "Good lord, what a crazy woman."


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry we took so long. Needed inspiration. Found it in a very obvious place.

* * *

Nero finally got home after being pursued by Rosso for almost a mile. After walking through the door, he found a hastily scribbled note from Hojo, saying that he had gotten a lead on the experiment, had gone to the woods and would be back tonight, don't wait up for dinner, from, Daddy.

He put down the note and stared at it for a while. "… Right… So, to my books then… La la la…" Nero trilled before skipping, yes, _skipping_, up the stairs.

Five miles into the woods, Hojo was encountering issues. Namely, that there was a large castle on the site of the bones' location. Genius that he thought he was, Hojo decided that he would just walk into the abandoned location and excavate from the floor. "Brilliant! Pure genius!" he would have shouted up over the stairs to his lousy, good-for-nothing son.

He didn't count on being abducted by a candlestick and a clock.

"Release me!" He screeched from behind the bars of his prison. Hojo pounded relentlessly against the steel while the small silhouettes stared at him from the shadows.

"This doesn't feel right, yo…"

"It needs to be done, Reno. The master would have a heart attack if he found this man wandering freely through the castle."

"I know… But maybe he's the one to break the curse."

The clock seemed to stare at the candle, which threw it's "limbs" up incredulously. "What?! It's possible, yo! You don't know! Maybe the master is gay!"

"There's no maybe about it. We know he is."

"Maybe he likes… Uh… Brash… Idiocy over looks or anything else in the world."

"Then he'd be with you." The clock motioned to the stairs. "Come on. There may be others approaching."

* * *

Nero had been alone for almost a week before he decided that something was off. Certainly, Hojo had stayed away for days at a time but he at least sent letters or specimens. Nothing had come yet.

Strange was what Nero had dubbed the events, but he was happy to just sit around and theorize… To his cat, Caligula. Nero never really did like bouncing his theories off other people. They wouldn't get it. Caligula definitely understood. He simply had to get it.

"Oh forget it, you're adorable, but useless," Nero concluded to his cat before marching out to get food for the week.

Rosso watched as Nero perused the market and sidled up to him. "Hello, Nero."

"Hello, Rosso. How are you?" Nero had to keep his tone as neutral as humanly possible. This woman wasn't really a man-eater so much as a murderous gold digger. Nothing had ever been proven about the deaths of her past four-or-so husbands, but the world knew that she had done it.

And now she was after Nero. New blood, the village supposed, and Rosso wasn't exactly correcting anyone. Plus, Hojo was making the most money around here, so there would definitely be some hefty payments if she married him.

Nero saw all of this and had come to a conclusion concerning it: Rosso is loathsome but very dangerous.

"What are we doing, my love?"

"Getting groceries," Nero said. Again, very, very neutral tones with Rosso. "Father hasn't been home in a week, so I'm holding down the fort."

"So you are alone?"

Shit. "Uhm, well, sort of. Caligula is with me."

Rosso laughed, glass fingernails against a chalkboard. "Perhaps I should, ah, come over and keep you company?"

"Ah… Ahaha… That's probably a bad idea. Father would be furious if I let anyone in the hou-"

"I insist," Rosso purred. When Rosso insisted, you didn't argue.

You ran.

"Oh, you know I would take you, Caligula, but, well, better you than me." Nero tried to explain his situation to the unblinking tabby who had perched himself on a stack of books. "I just need to leave for a few days, find Father, then return with him." The glare from the cat screamed coward.

Nero left that night, maybe twenty minutes before Rosso arrived. The black trees in the woods didn't scare him, as they did with most of the village boys. Rather, they made him feel secluded and at home. More at home than the village ever could.

"Perhaps I should leave home," Nero mused aloud to the trees. "I am going to be of age very, very soon so I may as well. Yes, I could live a life of silent contemplation here in the woods. Very nice, very singular."

As he approached a castle, Nero observed the architecture, mentally taking notes. This thing was old, hadn't been kept in at least 100 years. Maybe more. Decidedly European in design, but something was vaguely ominous.

The gates were open, creaking in the wind. Nero breezed straight through and up to the big double doors. There was a gold knocker, which he used and received no response. Nero found the door unlocked and strode right in.

The first thing he noticed was a large hole, right in the middle of the rotting wood floor. The second thing he noticed was that he could actually see in this place. There was candlestick on the side table. Nero picked it up and looked around the dark expanse of the room.

"Is anyone here?"


	3. Chapter 3

We've been working so hard on This is So Gay that we haven't had any time for this. Which is actually quite sad because Weiss and Nero get more love from SS.

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"Hello?" Nero's dulcet voice carried over the grand staircase, making it echo pleasantly through the castle. It also carried through the kitchen, down the basement stairs and into the dungeon where a very irate table clock and a long-wicked candle were arguing.

"Who is that?"

"Another researcher," the candle muttered thoughtfully. "We're gonna have a full house at this rate. Better break out the champagne."

"Don't be stupid, Reno. Lets go detain him."

"Can't the master do this himself? Wouldn't be hard for him. Plus, he needs exercise. That carcass of his is getting kinda-"

"Shut up, Reno."

"Oh, make me, Tick-Tock."

Nero definitely heard voices. He could swear it on… Well, not his life. Rosso's perhaps. Yes, he would have sworn on Rosso's life that he heard things. People, probably arguing. "Curiosity did kill the cat," He reasoned with himself as he trailed the sound of the voices to a kitchen. "But satisfaction did bring it back and all questions _do_ deserve answers."

Upon finding a basement, Nero looked down the stairs. Rickety old things, probably rotted. "Good Lord, that doesn't look safe."

"Boy!"

"F-Father!?"

"Nero, get down here and release me!"

Yes, that was Hojo. What he was doing down in a basement was beyond Nero and what he needed to be released from was even more worth investigation. "I may not be a scientist," Nero had always thought to himself, "But I do believe inquisitiveness runs in the family."

Nero made a cautious but fast journey down the stairs, wincing as he heard cracking. It appeared to be a wine cellar but Nero couldn't be sure because along the floor, there were bars and in one set of bars was his father. And another candle and a clock.

Figuring that he couldn't be in unpleasant health if he was screaming, Nero stood over his father. "Father, why are you in a cage?"

"Ignore that for now! RELEASE ME!"

Nero knelt down to his father's level and began examining the edges of the bars for hinges. "Very well, but bear in mind that you are the one who always told me to question."

Fiddling with the door, Nero didn't notice something come up behind him until aforementioned something grabbed his shoulder and threw him against the wall. "AH!"

"Who are you?" Nero squinted but couldn't see it's face. He knew it was on two legs and had hands like a human but claws like wolf.

"I-I-I'm Nero. I'm from a village on the e-e-edge of the woods…" It struck Nero that he should probably be a bit more afraid of this whatever-it-was. He cleared his throat. "This man is my father. Perhaps you could release him and we could get out of your home?"

"Ah, no. He's my prisoner."

"But he was my father first, you see."

Nero could almost feel this thing raising a brow at him. "I don't care. He's my prisoner now."

"Boy, get me out of here! Now!" Hojo insistently screeched.

Nero wanted so badly to roll his eyes. Couldn't his father see that he was in potentially mortal danger? Instead, whatever held him down seemed to be speaking for him.

"That is the second time I've heard you call him boy and if you do it again, you won't be facing the morning." Nero almost smiled, either in fear of his life or amusement at the situation. "I would be willing to make a trade. This one seems a bit more pleasant than you." The almost-smile on Nero's face faded.

"Beg pardon?"

The silhoette of it's head shifted. It was looking at him. "You could take your father's place, if you wanted to."

"I like that idea," Hojo urged.

"I don't! I'd rather not spend all my time cramped in that dungeon. There are books to be read, theories to be investigated, ideas t-"

"You could do all that here," that voice interrupted. Despite being rather rude, it was a very nice voice to Nero's ears. Smooth, melodic, he could almost drift on it. "I only kept this one in here because he was going to destroy my castle otherwise."

"Is that what that hole was?" Nero asked thoughtfully.

"Yes. And I've made up my mind, you will take your father's place."

Nero just stared at him. "Totalitarian."

"And loving every minute of it. Tseng! Reno! Get this out of here and get Tifa to prepare a bedroom!"

The last thing Nero saw of his father was a waving hand. No reassurances that he would send help, no last "I love you." That would have broken anyone's heart, but Nero was a bit used to it by now.

"Shouldn't you be a bit more upset?"

"I suppose so," Nero acquiesced, noticing how this person didn't really step into any given amount of moonlight. "I'm used to the abandonment and everything. It would have probably just been nice if he had offered to send help or something."

That smooth voice chuckled. "I meant about being held against your will."

"If it didn't happen here, it would have happened back home. There's a rather psychotic woman who wants me to marry her and I don't think father would have denied her." Nero shrugged his shoulders as best he could while he was being tugged along by the arm. "I'll escape if I need to. I'm thoroughly confident of that."

They reached a door that this voice said would be his.

"Alright… May I ask you something?"

"Just did."

"Three somethings then… Or rather four?"

"Fine."

"There go my first two. My third is for you to step into the light, please?"

"Denied. Last request?"

Nero pouted, in a completely dignified way (he'd like to think). "Could I at least get a name?"

Weiss' lips almost said, "My name is Weiss." Instead he bit it back, thought for a moment and said, "You can just say Omega."


End file.
